It is seriously blowing my mind that this much time has flown by and I haven’t let the cat out of the bag. But I’m bursting, so here we are! I’m 19 weeks PREGNANT!
If you followed my first pregnancy, you know we had quite the struggle with getting pregnant and then with how sick I was during my pregnancy. Like, epically sick. Honestly, being that sick and going through such an emotional journey to even get pregnant, my husband and I didn’t know if we’d (be able to) have a second child.
I’ll be 100% transparent (so skip ahead if you’re not the TMI type), I nursed Canaan until he was 15 months old and I didn’t get a regular cycle back until I stopped. Because I wasn’t having a cycle, I was clueless as to what kind of journey would be ahead of us if we decided to have another child. But, by complete surprise, we got pregnant not two months after weaning. And I think the word “surprise” is the understatement of the century here.
It took me weeks to wrap my brain around the fact that I was pregnant again. I’m a planner. And with how long it took us to get pregnant the first time, it was not computing with me that I didn’t have to go through that, and I didn’t have everything planned out to a T, and yet here I was pregnant. Mind, blown.
Mix all of that with having to run around after a crazy toddler, being a fitness instructor, and trying to keep up with things HERE, its no wonder time is slipping away from me.
Steve and I find out the gender soon (on my birthday!) and I am just bubbling over with excitement. Waiting until almost 20 weeks pregnant feels like an eternity, since we found out much earlier last time! I feel like once I know the gender, I can pin down a name, order a few cute outfits, and tuck this all away in a nice box in my mind until month 9. I found a Midwife whom I love and am comfortable with, so I’m really at ease now.
Oh, did we talk about how I FEEL though?! Like, swimming in nausea at random moments, especially when I least expect it? Yeah, that’s my life. If you hadn’t noticed a HUGE lack of recipes here, it’s because recipes only get cranked out when I’m feeling wonderful and have the stomach to think about food or look at it all day.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel 90% better than my last pregnancy (I kid you not, the PTSD of being so sick with my first pregnancy led me to have a massively messy breakdown out of fear when I saw that + on the pregnancy test). I wouldn’t wish that sickness on anyone. And I’m actually very grateful and less to complain about my nausea now, simply because I’m not praying for death like I was before. So…phew? I’m 19 weeks in now and I have way more good days then bad, but I still have a few evenings in a row where I pop the Diclegis and head to bed at 8:30.
And then there’s all the feelings. I’m sorry. I’m a terrible person. I’m mean, I’m bitchy, I have zero patience, and I burst into tears over how mean I am. And I burst into tears over Huggie’s commercials. And when I’m thinking about leaving Canaan for a few days to go on my first vacation without him. And when I think about how much I need a vacation. Oh, and when any song comes on the radio that would seem just outrageous to even think about crying to…yeah, then too.
Mostly, I have been consumed with feelings of needing to soak in these days with my son being my only child. I cry over him not being my only baby anymore, and yet knowing how much he needs my undivided attention and love. It breaks my heart. I know all second-time-moms have probably gone through this, but the guilt eats me up. I can only hope that Canaan grows up knowing that just the sight of him takes my breath away, and he’ll always be the one that made me a mama, and for that he is my everything. Oh my heart.
I feel like that’s everything! I can finally be truthful and say that everything I post is a craving and a means to eat exactly what I need at that very moment. And I can’t wait to see what sort of twists and turns this all means for Treats With A Twist as well.
I hope to do posts on fun things like “packing your hospital bag” and anything YOU may need from my experiences. I am an open book, as always, so please feel free to ask me any questions in the comments or even email me if you have a random mama question.
Now tell me…do you think it’s a BOY or a GIRL?!
Did you seriously just let me ramble for almost 1000 words?! I love you!